deep inside feelings

have you ever felt hurt? like really deeply hurt from the innermost point of your heart? I don’t know about you but I was. Somehow I still am. I have tried to ignore the pain and pretend to be the happy smiling girl I used to be. After a while it got better. I learned to deal with it. Now I can truly say: I am happy. Most of the time.
But I cannot forget.
Feelings like that you simply cannot forget and they will always come back. You would feel them in situations you would not have expected them to appear. And they would always hurt you.

I don’t want to talk about what happened. Fewest of my friends know about the truth. Most of them don’t know at all that anything had happened. I am good at hiding. I always was.
But be sure that something terrible went on for weeks. An I cannot understand how disrespectful and selfish and …well I don’t know what this person must have felt. I don’t know her. From what I’ve been told I could assume she liked the feelings she got from what she was doing. Even though she did not do anything to me personally. I was hurt indirectly. But I know for sure she knew about me and what she was doing to me.
Enough of that.

What is my point? Honestly, I can’t tell. This whole evening I had the urge to tell someone about it. I had dinner, alone, whilst watching a movie and out of nothing this thought popped up. I didn’t want to think about it. I just wanted to forget it. immediately. But as I said earlier – it happens when you at least expect it.
So then you sit there. On the couch or wherever. And you cry, all alone and nobody is there to comfort you. The only person you would want to be with you is at work. And you can’t do anything but thinking of these rough times and cry.

Has anybody felt like that before?

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